When I was 13 years old, my mother told me that we were going on a vacation, to Utah and visit my sister, who was attending school at BYU. A vacation, that was to last 14 days, I left Utah Aug 2009 and moved to Arizona. So what happened you might ask that led to me staying in the beehive state, well much of this story is told by JJ, this time of my life was very negative in my eyes. It wasn't till I was an adult that I could see the value in moving to Utah and while it has been a great blessing, high school in this state would drive any person insane. This section may be offensive but understand that this was my mindset upon first moving from New York.
Son, I swear on everything I love, if these dumb ass people keep stepping to me like I'm retarded I'ma slap somebody. What the fuck you mean I can't take advanced classes they would be to hard, shouldn't a test be used to determine that not your racial ignorance. I hate Utah, everyone here assumes cause I'm black and from New York that I'm some ghetto hood rat that can't read. Mean while the black people from this state act so stereotypical I want to lynch them. I don't know what in the hell my mother was thinking about dropping me off here but if she thinks I'm staying she has another thing coming.
The people here are so fake it makes my face hurt, these kids really think they are cool, you'll look retarded, pick your damn pants up first, second bitches stop trying to show of your titties. People here really have no self respect or value, they are all sleeping around with each and involved in more drama then a soap-opera and they are only in high school. I am not one to judge but I'm thinking some people should have done more swallowing. Oh lord and these parents, how are you going to let your child talk to you like that, if that was my mom oh I know she would have choked the vocabulary out of me.
If it wasn't for church I would lose my mind but I am thinking about homicide if these racist bastards keep fucking with me. I hate Utah, why the hell did my sister and my mother have to drag me out to this damn place. Fuck them, fuck Utah and fuck everybody in Utah.
Thursday, April 23, 2015
THE LEARNING TREE
I was fortunate enough and got in enough trouble, that my mother decided to send to me a private school for junior high. Best decision of my life, looking back; the learning tree taught me it was okay to think differently. Every student in that school was bright and not just gifted, but they each had a hunger for knowledge. The school was a multicultural school through predominately black, all but one student was black.
We had a class dedicated to black history and we would read about different black senators, teachers, authors, doctors, inventors, activists etc. In that school we learned the rich history of the Black man in America. I also learned Spanish, French and American Sign Language; the kindergartners learned Arabic, we even sang the Black Nation Anthem at our assembles.
My most valued lesson learned at the learning tree, knowing the I am great because I choose to be; black history taught me that no matter the odds, I could make my dreams come true and I can make a better life for myself.
Friday, April 3, 2015
Woodside Housing Projects - Jasmine
Most people would glorify living in the ghetto, talk about the drugs and violence. Those of us that grow up in such places know that we are not these savage beast, that they try to portray us as. Most of us are incredibly smart and did well in math and science, others excelled in music and writing; one thing that can be said we are a talented group.
Life in a project, forces you to develop your talents in order to survive; you find ways to express yourself so that the stresses of life doesn't cause you to self destruct. You most develop a cold exterior all the while keeping a warm heart; justice, order and loyalty never forget those three principles. Respect is earned not given and it would serve you to know your place, speak when spoken too, never flex if you are in unfamiliar territory.
It wasn't often that I was allowed outside to play, I would leave the house to run errands with my mother or to visit family. However, when I was allowed outside, I would play for hours on the jungle gym with many of my friends from school.
I never understood why JJ chose to run away, when she and Grace would fight rather then using her words she was quick to grab a weapon. Running away wouldn't have been as bad if she ran in the day time, JJ didn't like the safety in light, she would leave at 10 pm and not come home till 3 am. It's not like she ran away once or twice in her life, she ran away once or twice a year, starting at the age of three. Always the explorer JJ much rather run away and put herself in harms way, then settle for the safe adventures that our mother would take us on. She has always been drawn to the dark side, in the shadows she dwells feeding off of the negativity.
Life in a project, forces you to develop your talents in order to survive; you find ways to express yourself so that the stresses of life doesn't cause you to self destruct. You most develop a cold exterior all the while keeping a warm heart; justice, order and loyalty never forget those three principles. Respect is earned not given and it would serve you to know your place, speak when spoken too, never flex if you are in unfamiliar territory.
It wasn't often that I was allowed outside to play, I would leave the house to run errands with my mother or to visit family. However, when I was allowed outside, I would play for hours on the jungle gym with many of my friends from school.
I never understood why JJ chose to run away, when she and Grace would fight rather then using her words she was quick to grab a weapon. Running away wouldn't have been as bad if she ran in the day time, JJ didn't like the safety in light, she would leave at 10 pm and not come home till 3 am. It's not like she ran away once or twice in her life, she ran away once or twice a year, starting at the age of three. Always the explorer JJ much rather run away and put herself in harms way, then settle for the safe adventures that our mother would take us on. She has always been drawn to the dark side, in the shadows she dwells feeding off of the negativity.
Thursday, April 2, 2015
50-05 Broadway - JJ
I always attributed JJ's mellow dramatic nature to her growing up on Broadway, yes I mean the Broadway, however in Queens not Manhattan. Although, they were not allowed to be outside, JJ wasn't one to follow the rules, she took every opportunity to get into mischief.
I never understood why I wasn't allowed outside, the people in our neighborhood were so nice, better then the person my mom would have watch me, if I got locked out. Bryndel, worked late into the night and school early in the morning, when he gets out of school he passes out for four hours before going back to work. I learned that if I knock really softly, I can say I knocked he didn't answer and I get to explore Wood-side.
In elementary school, if I got locked out, there was this really noisy neighbor, Ms. Barbara, if I took one step out of my building. There she was upper body hanging out the window, cigarette in hand, "Jasmine, where you think you going, I'm going to tell your mom you walking around."
I'm locked out my bother wont answer
"Then get your butt in this house, you know you ain't supposed to be outside, trying to be slick."
I really didn't like her, she is almost as bad as this other women my mom use to have watch me. I loved her older daughter but the mom was so mean; one time she was watching me, I was about three. My mom dropped me off at her house, however she was in the back and the door was still open. I walked out and went to what would be my future elementary school. They called the cops and my mom had to come pick my siblings and I, up from the police station; she was so mad I left. I told her I missed her and grace, I miss being that cute and little, before the beatings started getting really bad.
Growing up, I ran away a lot, one time Grace and I got into a fight, I pulled a knife on her and then left the house. I got back 2 am, my mom was pissed, I told her I was at church but she beat me senseless for running away and for pulling a knife on Grace. I think that next day I cut Grace's hair while she slept, not sure but I got beat senseless when I did that too. One time I ran away from home but went to my mom's job, you know she still beat me when we got talking about, I don't care if you came to me, I said don't leave the house. I think she just likes having me as a punching bag.
You might think I deserved it but I was trapped, I could never leave and I was always getting beat up by Grace. If my mom listened to me when I tried to tell her, she would see that I don't deserve to be beat.
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
Mary D. Carter Elementary, PS 151
Trying to take care of five kids on your own, requires time and effort that my mother did not have, so I started school when I was three years old. This gave me an advantage because the hippocampus (memory center), finishes developing at three. Now this does not mean that I am smarter or more gifted, rather I have had more practice with recall so it is easier for me to remember information.
Since I started school early, I was always the youngest in my grade, however I grew fast so I was the tallest. This made me a target for bullying so much of my time in elementary was spent in the principles office for one reason or another.
First grade was great, I had my best friend Deja, she was the prettiest girl in our grade and I was the tallest. We had a click, with the twins, we formed our group because the twins lived in 50-03, I lived in 50-05 and Deja 50-07; 50-150ty girls. You know when people are only your friends cause you are big and they figure you can be security; since they didn't seem to actually like me, we stopped being friends by the end of the year.
Second grade, I learned the most in Mrs. Slantskie's class, known for being the hardest and meanest second grade teacher. My only complaint would be she smacked the desk with a ruler if you fell asleep; I always finished my work early so I frequently was woken up to my desk being smacked.
Third grade, I found my voice, up until this point I knew how to read school books and do my homework, I was a great student but I couldn't read that well. However, this year our class was putting on a performance for the school, I really wanted the lead so I memorized every single line of the main character. My hard worked paid off, I got the lead over Ecatherina and became an amazing reader from that point on. Once I read it, it was committed to memory, ready at a moments notice to be repeated.
Fourth grade, I fought the most this year, both girls and boys. The females had boobs and the males thought they had balls and since I was tall everyone wanted to test me. For those that know me, I have great relationships with adults but not people of my own age. People my age, think I am a doormat, that year either you respected me or you feared me.
Fifth grade, I don't remember much of the school year, I had a great teach Ms. Asdaul but a week after school started, 9/11 happened. Anything that happened after that day didn't matter.
Elementary school socially set the tone for the remainder of my life, I was born alone and I was determined to die alone. People are mean and cruel, rather then taking the time to get to know you they will attack you if you are different, even if you are a child.
Since I started school early, I was always the youngest in my grade, however I grew fast so I was the tallest. This made me a target for bullying so much of my time in elementary was spent in the principles office for one reason or another.
First grade was great, I had my best friend Deja, she was the prettiest girl in our grade and I was the tallest. We had a click, with the twins, we formed our group because the twins lived in 50-03, I lived in 50-05 and Deja 50-07; 50-150ty girls. You know when people are only your friends cause you are big and they figure you can be security; since they didn't seem to actually like me, we stopped being friends by the end of the year.
Second grade, I learned the most in Mrs. Slantskie's class, known for being the hardest and meanest second grade teacher. My only complaint would be she smacked the desk with a ruler if you fell asleep; I always finished my work early so I frequently was woken up to my desk being smacked.
Third grade, I found my voice, up until this point I knew how to read school books and do my homework, I was a great student but I couldn't read that well. However, this year our class was putting on a performance for the school, I really wanted the lead so I memorized every single line of the main character. My hard worked paid off, I got the lead over Ecatherina and became an amazing reader from that point on. Once I read it, it was committed to memory, ready at a moments notice to be repeated.
Fourth grade, I fought the most this year, both girls and boys. The females had boobs and the males thought they had balls and since I was tall everyone wanted to test me. For those that know me, I have great relationships with adults but not people of my own age. People my age, think I am a doormat, that year either you respected me or you feared me.
Fifth grade, I don't remember much of the school year, I had a great teach Ms. Asdaul but a week after school started, 9/11 happened. Anything that happened after that day didn't matter.
Elementary school socially set the tone for the remainder of my life, I was born alone and I was determined to die alone. People are mean and cruel, rather then taking the time to get to know you they will attack you if you are different, even if you are a child.
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