Granite High School

I can say without hesitation, that Granite was the best of my high school experiences, though high school as a whole was miserable. To limit the number of people that are offended, each year in high school JJ will only discuss her mindset and emotions, she will not criticize or bad mouth anyone.

        Have you ever wanted to swallow a bottle of acid? First day of school, everyone stares but no one says a word. Maybe there is something wrong with me, while I want to scream at them to stop looking at me, I don't even have the energy to make a facial expression. I've been in Utah for almost a year, a year of feeling alienated and judged, a year of silence not wanting to offend their senses with my opinions. Swallowing your words and feelings is like swallowing a bottle of acid, a slow painful death; a rope would be so much faster but then again I have always had a strong neck.
       I guess I have a boyfriend, he is funny, tells allot of stories about him getting hit in the nuts, I don't know which is funnier him being hit, or him thinking the stories will get him the panties. First I don't wear any and second I'm not ready to go down that road again. Ever since mine and his relationship ended, its hard for me to be that close to another man; they don't care about me the way he did, they wont be as gentle and loving. I just want to go back home so I can be with him, where I am safe.

Aside for the sexual "abuse", JJ had never been that close to a man and so it was hard for her to build healthy relationships with males. If she trusted you sure enough you could have your way with her but if she felt even the slightest deception; she would never give in to your seductions.

       I like this game of basketball, volleyball yeah I get to hit the ball, basketball I get to hit the people, this should be interesting. I really like playing, when I play I don't hear the voices, its as though they too are occupied. I'm having the hardest time making friends but playing sports allows me to meet people, even if they don't like me, at least they pretend to be my friends. 
      I got into I fight, I feel so bad but she pushed me, I don't remember anything after that. I feel so angry all the time, I go to church every Sunday for six hours, Monday comes I walk in this school and I am enraged. So I've been doing reading, some people to deal with emotional stress will cut themselves, it didn't relieve anything, I just like the way the blood looks. I wonder how long it would take me to bleed out.
      Now that basketballs over I've disappeared back into the crowd, I hear whispers but I can't be bothered to much to think about, I might have to switch schools next year.