It's the end of my junior year and I am in the whites part of Utah, I know no one and now I have to start over at a new school. I am done with constantly moving and changing schools, I keep getting discarded like trash, I guess the only time I have value is when I'm on my back. Forget playing by the rules, lets see how long it takes to self destruct.
So my sisters roommate has allot of pills I mean allot, I wonder if taking a specific combination would cause my heart to stop. If I cut Enna will notice the scars and I am not quite ready to throw in the towel like that anyways. This new basketball coach, there is something about him, if I could pull my head out my ass I think he can really help me.
So the assistant coach is pregnant and playing basketball, that is awesome, I love basketball everything about it, from the sound of the ball bouncing to the sound of flesh being rubbed raw as you dive on the floor for a loose ball. I don't really mesh with the girls that well but at least they are trying and I am giving it some effort.
So much for getting along with people, the only thing that will benefit me at this school is basketball, everything else is not worth my time. The people here are beyond cruel and they think they can talk to people any type of way. I might be proper but I can get ghetto real quick, if they keep pushing me, I might have to hurt someone.
Now that basketball is over and I don't live with Enna, I don't care anymore, every night I take a different bottle of pills hoping that I wont wake up in the morning. Only to wake up sick and throwing up and still have to go to school the next day. If I began to cut my coach would notice, we talk, he is always trying to get me to see the bright side. We both hate it here but see the value in being at the school, these girls are great and mean well, they just have an evil side.
I don't know why I am doing track, actually its cause Coach is making me; its not all bad I get to see a certain someone almost every day, Coach makes fun of us and calls us love and basketball. Actually he is a bit of an asshole to me, he makes fun of me, talks about the way I dress, is down right mean; of course I would have a crush on him.
I know I am suppose to be going to college but I am ready for it to end already, I have had enough success in life. I can't handle anymore disappointment and I can't keep falling short, something has got to give. I'm tired of hiding behind a smile and pretending like this world is an amazing place. You know how frustrating it is to take a bottle of sleeping pills fall asleep in the tub and wake up the next morning. Can't even kill myself properly, the tub drained out before I could drown. Maybe I can get someone else to do it for me. I can sneak out every night and they wont know, even better I can say I am going to salt lake to work or play basketball but really live on the streets maybe someone will kill me. The homicide rate in Salt Lake is higher then Utah County.
Summer is almost over, I am heading to college I suppose I should be happy, I guess self destruction will be easier if I'm far away from anyone I know.
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