Post Traumatic Stress - JJ

So most women after giving birth would take the six weeks necessary to heal. Not JJ, the idea of standing still being alone with time would mean she would have to deal with her past. There was no time to relive the last 5 months it was time to live, to experience life, to play basketball be cause after all that was the desire of her heart.

     God has a funny way of working, I thought that my coach would be cool after the adoption and she still kicked me off the team. It's okay, I got another offer to CEU - Price , Utah home of the Eagles. Well I did always believe I would fly.
     Start of season strain all the muscles in my back, that cause stress, so the day after my birth I start having seizures? My season over before it even began, what that hell, kind of BS is this. Seriously, you say my calling is to be a vessel so I brought him in this world, now why can't I have want I want.
     The answer was quiet but clear, "its not about what you want, its about what is asked of you," for what ever reason, I got married. The relationship lasted 22 months and ended in divorce after 9 months of marriage. Again I had failed to fulfill my purpose and was met with a great obstacle and fell. However, this time I refused to get up, if I was married I would have my own life with my marriage and pursue my career and work and neglect my family and spouse. 
     My marriage failed because I never tried to make it work, I knew I didn't know what I was doing, I had no idea how to be a wife. Rather then learning from my teachers, I neglected to obey the first commandment of God's word, Love the lord thy god, second Love thy neighbor as you love thyself. I had neglected God in my relationship and neglect to pray with my husband for understanding, on how I could make him happy. 
    I thought that if I cooked, cleaned and had sex; he should be satisfied, I could be free to play sports, write and edit of the school news paper and work; and neglect my family, not allowing him to have valuable talking time and embracing one another. I was too busy to enjoy my marriage and enjoy my spouse. I had stopped loving my neighbor, my husband; this led to the down fall of my marriage, but I firm knowledge that happiness would not come to me, if I kept neglecting my family, which is the church of the living God.